We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
