So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
