you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
