whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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