I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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