woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
