So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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