I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
