Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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