Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
