I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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