I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
