i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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