i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
