so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
