but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
