laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
