Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
