Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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