Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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