my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
