If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
