I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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