What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My bed smells like the plague
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