he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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