dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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