the day after is always just damage control
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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