I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
