he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
