Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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