Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
