Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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