if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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