My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As shirtless as possible
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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