i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
