you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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