Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
