whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
