I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
