Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
