You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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