i drank out of a bidet.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
