I think i peed on brittanys purse
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
