you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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