I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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