Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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