Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
