Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
