those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
