just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
