I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
